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Life is a roller coaster ride.
Life is like a roller coaster; sometimes it’s really tough and heavy going uphill and other times you just fly down, whining of excitement and it tickles in your stomach of joy.
Such a roller coaster ride is our life right now. We have big ups and downs in our private life and one moment it’s REALLY going uphill being very tough and exhausting and the next moment there’s a redeeming ease, joy and laughter that blends into the picture.
We are no longer a couple
The most important thing first; Morten and I are no longer a couple.
A month ago Morten broke up with me – the details of the break up I’ll keep to myself so far, as we’re still trying to figure out ourselves what’s up and down on everything and at this point, it doesn’t make sense for me to share more details than what you get here. Maybe you’ll get them later, maybe not.
But what I DO want to share with you is an insight into the process that we’re going through together and separately at the moment – because we’ve always wanted to share openly and honestly from both the fantastic moments and the more difficult times here on the blog. And this is one of the difficult times I want to share with you now.
Old familiar patterns come to the surface
We all know it, after all: that we fall back into the same old, familiar patterns from time to time and that the conflicts we have, are – to a greater or lesser extent – similar to each other from time to time.
And to some extent that’s what we’re also dealing with in this case as well (when I tell you this, I want to remind you that this is only my version of the story, Morten’s version would sound significantly different – but he has read what I have written and has said that it’s perfectly okay with him that I share my version with you, even though there are parts of my version he doesn’t agree with at all).
A month ago, there was an episode in our relationship where I subsequently realized that Morten felt utterly let down and abandoned by me. I think he was trying to communicate it to me when it happened, but it wasn’t clear to me that he felt that way until he suddenly withdrew completely from me to protect himself (at that point, he actually reminds a lot of Turtle/a turtle who hides in his shield when he feels threatened – but maybe we all do in reality? 🤔).
He broke up with me and moved into the colony garden house he had just bought over the summer (after we’ve been looking at colony gardens most of early summer as a supplement to Turtle) and didn’t want to talk to me – he was really hiding in his shield.
When it happened, I experienced the highest degree of rejection – and I wasn’t even sure what I’d done wrong and what Morten was reacting to – and the pattern it starts in me, when I get rejected like that, is an extreme need to sit down and talk about things and fix what’s gone wrong between us.
The pattern breaks
With the two patterns I mention here, it’s probably not hard to imagine what happened the next couple of weeks: Morten ran away from me and hid in his shield and I ran after him and wanted to talk . The more I wanted to talk, the more he was hiding, etc.
But after all, we all become wiser throughout life and although the above pattern may sound like an impossible task to solve, we still managed to meet somewhere in the middle, where Morten came a little bit out of his shield and I gave him a little space to be alone and gather new energy before we talked about the problems again.
A difficult balance
It’s a super difficult balance for both of us and neither of us know where we’ll end up yet.
Do we find the balance and become a couple again in a version 2.0 which we can both see ourselves in, does our mutual journey end here and we’ll continue on our next journey separately – or a third solution?
Noone knows at the moment and it’s one of the difficult things about such a process that we’re in at the moment: the uncertainty.
So right now it’s all very much up and down, but fortunately our love and respect for each other is intact, which makes it actually a very healing and enriching process that we are going through – at the same time as it’s extremely hard and exhausting!
But that’s a part of life – up and down like a roller coaster.
Only the future can tell how Mortens and my roller coaster ride ends..
Thank you for reading.